another poem...i will stop soon i promise (maybe)

a penny for your thoughts
but a lifetime for your crimes
step out of the gutter, from the shit and the grime
get yourself some water, you cant hide when its your time
fall is in the kitchen
and winter is counting dimes

heh heh. more real posts soon.

-dan

pretenciousness continued

a growing spot of grey on the lion's mane
riding to the golden city on a pewter train


so, more poetry. sue me.


-dan

robot picture for teh win

-dan

Continued Chemistry Fiascos Among Other Things

so, today i had chemistry again. it turns out i had some homework due that i forgot to do, so i wrote out the first problem, put my name at the top, and filled out the rest of the page with a picture of a dancing robot. i cant take credit for this. penny arcade did it first. it was fun anyway.

so! what has been new with me? not much, let me tell you. my screenplay got some good reviews from my fellow classmates, which is very relieving. i usually worry if other people will find the things i write as funny as i do, or even funny at all, because i have a strange sense of humor. for example: for moths straight i have said many, many jokes involving the word "poop" in my US history class, and yet i am the only one who laughs half the time. everybody must think i'm insane. this is basically how my US history class goes:

1. arrive, usually just in time. settle in, tell a poop joke.
2. get out my book and try to absorb the vocab terms we get quizzed on. tell some more poop jokes.
3. take quiz while thinking of poop jokes to tell once the quiz is over
4. turn in quiz, tell poop jokes.
5. get mad at nicky
6. tell poop jokes, go home.

the thing that amazes me the most is how many different poop jokes are possible. i have only repeated a few since i started. we've covered everything from Abrapoop Lincoln to Pooping Contests to Poop McCrap. PS--if you dont know me and dont think any of these are funny, you will probably hate me.

enough about poop. (WARNING: DONT CLICK THAT IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH). now onto ink.

ive been on the ink staff for about 3 years now, and the only worthwhile things ive written are columns. i love writing columns. basically i can write and make fun of anything i want to and alot of people read it (well, maybe not alot, but definately more than i thought at first). the only problem is i have a very hard time thinking of this to write about. thats one of the reasons i started this blog: to be practice ranting about about things that arent important at all.

This practice is going fairly well, as i can write for a while about stupid things that happen to me throughout the day. but i sometimes get uninspired because not many people go to this blog.

so then i had an epiphany. can you guess?

i will WRITE ABOUT MY BLOG IN INK.

that way all my hundreds of fans will read about my blog in ink and come here to read it. i'll be more inspired, write more about less, and therefore be a better comlumnist! brilliant!

that's all about that.

in case you arent up to date in the video game world, a game called shadowbane recently became free to download and play. this got me excited because its an mmorpg, which i love but cant usually play because they cost money every month. so im all excited and i spend about 10 hours downloading the game because i have DSL "lite," the lowest of the low without venturing into the ancient ruins of dialup.

anyway, i spend a good 10 hours downloading the game, but i think it'll be worth it. guess what? it wasnt. it turns out shadowbane is one of the worst games ive ever played.

oh well. if i got you interested, you can still download it, but i suggest you dont.

i am, however, securing a WoW account. which is exciting. it has a monthly fee, but i think i can deal with it with my new job and everything.

i think that's it for now. thank you and goodnight.

-dan

working, guitar shopping, aphex twin, etc

i know i havent posted in the past few days. im sorry if youre mad. ive been pretty busy.

i woirked all weekend. i made alot of tip money. the problem is i often plan to spend more money than i have. so i need to be careful.

today after school me and eric went to baskin (31) robins. it was pretty good. nicky was working there so we got free shakes. i got the peanut butter chocolate one.

theni went to the guitar center to look for an acoustic guitar. ive wanted an acoustic guitar for a while now, but i never really planned to aquire one until recently. i can attribute this to elliott smith. the man was a genius. it already amazes me how people can put chords and words togeth to form music, but when people can make music as heartwrenching and emotional as elliott did just astounds me. listening to him live was an amazing experience in it's self. there is this guy, playing these wonderfully worded, poetic, and graceful songs, and in between each, he stutters and mumbles and makes little introverted jokes. it was like he was two different people. and then it makes me unbelievably sad when i realize that this man would go on to stab himself in the chest.

enough about that. it's sad enough as it is. but still: RIP elliott. i wish i knew you before you died.

so yeah: guitar shopping. before i even got into the store i got stopped by a cop. he said i matched the description of a man who was reported panhandling cars and asked for my id. he gave it back to me and drove away and one of the Guitar Center guys saw the whole thing. turns out he worked in the acoustic section, which was right where i headed, so we talked about it a little bit. i forget his name, but he was a really nice guy.

after the acoustics, i went to the keyboard section and played around on a synth. it was so awesome. i cant really describe it anyway else.

then i played on a telecaster, went back to the acoustics for a while, realized what time it was, and headed to church.

now im listening to aphex twin.

so that covers all the stuff in the title. im sorry guys. this was an uninspired post.

-dan

Late on a Sunday Night

It is late and i am tired. today was a good day. things at work went even smoother than yesterday and i think tomorrow's greand opening is gonna be great. turns out i am working, 4:30-close, so hopefully ill make massive tips.

here are my PLANS FOR THE WEEK:

1. tomorrow, fail french. i have this french project i got assigned to do, but ive been so busy with work and uh...keeping up this blog...that i havent had time to do it. so maybe i can wing it. or get an extention.

2. tuesday, get up supra-early to have breakfast with rose. in order to get to school on time, i have to meet rose at like 6:50 in the morning. it definately wouldnt be worth it if it wasnt breakfast with rose.

3. nothing.

thats more or less it. hopefull,y i can do stuff next weekend. if not, well...ill have mucho dinero and the weekend after that is the ski trip (i think). and that will be amazing. yesson.

also on the agenda: elliott smith. there are so many things i can think about to say about him, but its hard to put them together in my mind. ill think aobut it. ill write about him later. all i can say now is: what a great man.

and yes, i know that yesterday i posted a peice of teenage poetry, which i said earlier i hated. let me explain: the kind of poetry i dont like is the vauge, metaphor-riddden, pretensious teenage poetry. the kind i write is the kind i like.


peace and love mah brothers and sisters

-dan

something i scribbled late last night

at this point i realize
the only real reason for my being alive
is so someone will be around to feed my cat
and i cant figure out what disturbs me
the most:
this realization or the problem im having
decidin what disturbs me the most.

Music Transfer, Among Other Things

today after i got home from work (more on this later), i transfered a bunch of music to my iaudio. this is music i have on cd but not on my computer, but ever since i got the iaudio, i only listen to cds in my car. the strokes, jimi hendrix, and sonic youth now have some new space in my mp3 player.

a few words about my iaudio. for all those who have been debating whether or not to buy an m3 player: buy one. they are amazing. just try to get one that you can keep all your music on at once. i'm currently useing about 12 gigs of the 30 i have. it also plays video, but the only real videos i have on it are 2 live radiohead shows, a somewhat dissapointing aphex twin show, and the video for "teenage riot" by sonic youth. oh, and the treachary of dr tathington.

yours doesnt need to play video. video is more of a novelty. just get an mp3 player.

now im downloading an elliott smith show. it should be good.

anyway...work. we had our "soft opening" today and it went surprisingly well. i --nor anyone else, for that matter-- screwed anything up, all the customers were more than satisfied with the food, and i made a cool $20 in tips. actually, now that i think of it, someone did screw something up. there was a pizza made, but it's server was cleaning dishes and didn't hear us call it out, so i was told to run it over to the sonic across the street. the sonic people were so happy to get an unexpected free pizza that they told me to come back when i got off work for a free super sonic cheeseburger and mozzerella sticks. so everything worked out. i just hope i dont have mad cow disease now.

plus, another pizza was made, so the people who's pizza i delivered to sonic got a replacement pizza in just a few minutes. if thsat makes any sence. sorry, people, it's late and i had a long day.

i realized today that i had to shave. i vowed a few weeks ago never to shave again so that i could grow a huge beard, a la billy gibbons (he's the guy, not the baby). but for sanitation reasons, i have to pull my hair back into a pony tail at work, and when i looked into the mirror, what i saw was not good.

first there is the moustache. the moustache is pretty cool actually. it is kind of flesh colored, but its long enough to barely see. it is like the phantom moustache. i think it's pretty cool. constance told me it was cool, but she might have been sarcastic.

the beard is alright, but it's less of a beard and more of a lopsided soul patch on my chin. it it looks pretty dumb. if it wasnt lopsided it would look awesome. but it is.
then all along the sides on my face are what would be sideburns, but suck. they're all disorganized and strangly.

so i think once im done writing this im going to shave. maybe everything but the moustache. the moustache has redeeming qualities.

anyway, my brother and isabelle got bnack from new jersey today. i saw my brother at home. it was nice to see him again. i showed him the noise jame i recorded and he says he liked it.

im working again tomorrow, but for much less time. 12-3. its the second "soft opening." the grand opening is monday, and i am conveiniently not working. then i have tuesday 4-close, but i dont know about the rest of the week. i should find out tomorrow.

man. sonic youth is good.


-dan

some people you just cant trust

i was in walmart today looking for shoes and a belt for my job. they require me to wear all-black shoes and a black belt. i dont mind because i like the color black and i kind of needed new shoes and the one belt i own is getting kind of ragged.

anyway, i was wandering through the men's department looking for the belt section (turns out they dont actually have one...more later if i dont forget) when i stumbled into the underwear section. there were boxes upon boxes of men's underwear, and each one had a picture of a guy who seemed to have conviniently left all of his clothes in his car or something. here he was, sitting, laughing with his buddies, arms crossed, wearing nothing but a little white loincloth. if this actually happened in real life, this man would be in jail for indecent exposure. anyone would be. (EXCEPTION: that naked cowboy guy in times square...but he might be dead now)

Also, i think if i tried to sit and laugh with my buddies, arms crossed, wearing only some "briefs," they wouldnt be my buddies anymore.

yeah, so...i exited the underwear section and kept looking for belts. it turnes out that walmart decided it would be more convinient for customers if their belts were scattered throught the entire men's section and consisted mainly of size 50's. I eventually settled for a belt that is about 3 or 4 sizes too big and has to be buckled in the last little slot to be effective.

it was a very disapointing trip. except for the shoes. i like my new shoes. except my dad says that they're the kind of shoes gay people wear. oh well. everyone knows that gay people are very stylish.

thats more or less all that happened today. it wasnt a very exciting day. we had a meeeting about college choises or something during first period which was stupid and boring. man. it really was boring.

tomorrow is the "soft opening" at work. everything will probably go well, and by "go well" i mean ill probably screw alot of stuff up. but thats what the "soft opening" is for, i guess. it opens on monday. come by and pick up some pizza or something. it's good. and feel free to tip me.

the guy who inspired me to start this blog, dan conover replied to my email and gave me some cool tips about how to make my blog awesome. i'll probably implement some of these ideas over time, so, yeah, look forward to that.

thats it. bye.

-dan

nobody is reading this...i think

yeah, so nobody's reading my blog. that's kind of disapointing.

im in a screenplay writing class. i like it. i love movies and so i have always wanted to write a screenplay.

the only problrem is i'm iun the middle of writing my first one when i got an idea for another one. so i want to work on both, but that doesnt seem like a sound idea because ill get them mixed up, plus i have deadlines on the one im writing now. what a dilema.

im not going to tell you what my screenplays are about because you might be some sort of hot shot and steal them for your self. you hotshot bastards...ruining it for everyone

Anyway...i really started training at my new job today. it seems like itll e fun. it's set up andolini's style, with the whole order-at-the-front-and-get-a-number system. im excited about it. it opens on monday, so drop by sometime if you want to. i might be there, or maybe not, depending on whem they tell me to work.

my old job was at a place called ready, set, jump. it was a place with indoor inflatable jump castles and whatnot where little kids can have parties. you could call it chuck e. cheese with jump castles i guess, but thats not really accurate. let me tell you this: it is a great place. its built on an excellent idea and its tons of fun for anybody.

yes, even teenagers and above. anyone who tells you its stupid or gay or something is either wrong or hates the whole concept of fun.

the parties are a great idea for parents who want to give thier kid a good time without worrying about arrangements.

its just not a great place to work.

im not going to get into it, but lets just say im glad i left. although i wish the people who still work there the best.

so...nothing new is really happening here. this weekend will be very busy for me...im working all day (literally) on saturday, and from 12-4 on sunday. which means rushing home from church. i hate rushing home from church because the people there are awesome and i love hanging out with them. on sundays when im not working or when we have monday off, we all usually hang out at the church all night, partying in the most wholesome way possible.

our ski trip is on the 23rd...which is amazingly soon. it will be amazing. i'm snowboarding.

ive been snowboarding twice before, and it is great. whenever a skier starts talking crap about snowboarding i tell them to stop whipping thier servants and try to have some fun once in a while.

snowboarding is loads of fun if youre not worried about getting hurt. the first time i snowboarded, my instructor didn't tell me how to stop. that resulted in alot of head injuries. BUT, after a little bit, i picked it up. and at the end of the day i was speeding down the hills and almost falling off cliffs.

Yep. that's all for now.


-dan

Failure and Stuff

Today i had a test in chemistry. i didnt really know what it was on. ive been mostly sleeping through chemistry for the past two or so weeks, and i apparently missed some stuff.

for example: one problem wanted me to find the density of carbon monoxide at STP. I know what STP is, and i know what carbon monixide is and i know what density is, but, after literally minutes of thinking, i couldnt figure out how they went together. it would help if i knew the formula for density, but i didnt. so, i sat there for a while, thinking. finally i came to the conclusion that i most likely already bombed the test and i didnt care anyway. so i drew a picture of a cat in the answer box.

i told this to a few people, and the general response was that i should at least get some points for being creative.

thias got me thinking: what if cats were a unit of measure? Kind of like in those "eastern" countries where people use goats and sheep as legal tender, excpet not as money. like, i could tell you, "the earth is aproxomately 82739213 cats around." i guess i could do that anyway.

laguage is a funny thing. who sat down and decided what is a word and whats not? or, for that matter, who decided what words mean? there are a few calvin and hobbes comics that deal with this sort of thing. one of them has calvin "verbing" words. taking things and making them something you do. it's fun to think about.

this reminds me of conversations i have sometimes with my friend fried (pronounced freed). every once in a while we talk about things like infinity and particle accellerators. once he told me that if something ever goes wrong in a particle accellerator, a black hole could be formed right here on earth and destroy half the galaxy. then he told me that black holes are not holes at all, just matter that is so dense it sucks in light particles. it is so dense, he said, that a teaspoon would wiegh as much as a battleship.

that reminded me of the flaming lips song "a spoonful wieghs a ton," and now i wonder is wayne coyne is a scientist.

i also have that picture of the painting i wrote that poem about. ill put it up after im done playing world of warcraft (which i still need a cd key for, by the way...)

-dan

the blog: day two

day two of the blog. i think this is enough cause to give myself a pat on the back.

today i discovered that when you mix art and poetry, almost nothing good will be crafted. it's like an overload of pretensiousness. (spelling error'd?!) today in my writing class people read poems they wrote about paintings they looked at. they were chock full of glittery words, vauge phrases, and so many metaphors i thihnk i choked on one. it made me shake my head in disbelief that these high school kids could think they're so deep and intellectual (theres another possible spelling thing).

i once said (jokingly, i might add) that writing poetry was easy. one of these child-geniuses countered by saying, "writing poetry is easy. composing it is the hard part." oh boy.

if you know me, especially if you are one of my visual art friends, you know that i don't care much for art. with some rare exceptions, i find it very boring. i am very suspicious of people who claim to love art...especially modern art.

everyone has seen modern art. modern art is a trash can. modern art is a crack in the sidewalk. modern art is stuff that people would generally regard as trash or an eyesore, but happened to be "made" by some semi-famous guy.

So, back to my point: teenage poetry is fake and modern art is stupid. I tried to make this point by writing the simplest possible poem about a peice of art called "Three Wise Men." unfortunately i don't have a copy of it on my cmpoputer right now, but ill post it tomorrow. take my word for now: it is bad. here's the poem i wrote:

Something I’ll Never Understand

Seven years old or less
the Sunday school teacher tells me
the story of Jesus.
“Three wise men rode on camels to greet the Lord!”
she says, “who was born on Christmas Day.”
Exuberance!
At home, I grab my crayons
and color my masterpiece.
Momma says it’s great!
Daddy sold it to the museum,
and I got $100!

It’s an artist’s life for me!

my class supposedly liked it. i dont know if they understood what i meant.

now: on to other ventures.

i started training at my new job. 50% discount=awesome.

im looking for a world of warcraft cd key. please sell me yours. cheap.

that's all for now, i think. have a good day.

-dan

i forgot to tell what the blog was about

things this blog will be about:

my interests--
music, movies, video games, um...fencing....webcomics....maybe some things im forgetting

The Latest Endeavor

i know, i know, i spelled endeavor wrong. i think. i never actually knew how to spell it.

anyway, hi. how are you? i'm fine. my name's dan, if you didn't know. this is my blog.

I was thinking about making a blog for a while now. for those of you who don't know, ive tried to make various webthings in the past, mostly on freewebs.com. these things included: the fallen heros website, the "total ripoff" webcomic, and most recently, the -=soa=- clan website. they were all alright but i gave up on them after a while.

the webcomic was pretty good actually. it was called total ripoff because it totallyripped off penny arcade. except it wasnt as good. but it had violence and profanity and it was a good cheap laugh.

so, i was finally convinced to make a blog by this guy i met today. he was awesome. he was like, 45 years old and he was talking about world of warcraft and snakes on a plane and all this crazy internet-culture stuff that i knew about. he said he had a few blogs...so i went home and made this one.

im going to try and stick with it. well see how that goes.


tell your friends.

-dan